In the Spirit of Such Sequels

In the week in which astronomers discovered so-called “Earth 2.0” (a planet orbiting the Goldilocks Zone of a star the same size as the sun) it seems apt that in the spirit of such sequels I was fortunate enough to attend an event of comparable magnitude; the second of this year’s ROAR concerts, “2 Loud 2 Live.”

For those of you who are distressed about my lack of posting these past few weeks, of which I am sure there are many, I can console and excuse myself by announcing that I am 10,000 words in to a new project I am working on. It’s sci-fi. I’ll leave it to you for the furious speculation and torrent of fan-theory on the various Reddit forums which I am sure are set up for the purpose by now.

Primarily I was there to see new upstarts in the local scene, Nacho Heap. Unfortunately I was unable to attend their debut gig due to work, but, having swiftly progressed to a later slot on the bill, I was lucky this time and caught the start of their set.

I access the Sailing Club via steps parallel to the building’s façade, nimbly negotiating my way past the overspill smokers. I’m greeted by a cramped reception area where I ask where tickets may be purchased. Guided upstairs I arrive into the action; a Viking longhall with bar at one side and stage at the other. The ceiling is low, the atmosphere is close and hot. I can’t see the band as we’re all on a level. Although this is irritating in the short term, as the die-hard Chair fans filter out it also means that I can be right up close. Whatever we experience, it will be collective; band and fans, the barrier blurred.

We begin with a post-punk cover of Taylor Swift’s Trouble; vocalist Haley Duncan carrying the song, backed by a well-rehearsed rhythm section, with particular emphasis on Robert Norris’s drumming – essential for the dubstep triplets. Nacho Heap then gave a metallic sheen to the Calvin Harris hit, Summer with excellent guitar work from Michael and Orrin.

The band then paused to announce that their next tune would be one of their own, a tribute to the snack which inspired their unusual name entitled Dorito. From what I could hear, it seemed to centre on the protagonist’s internal conflict with their desire to eat all of the nachos jarring against the allocated time in which the ingestion was to take place.

Perhaps the band’s final song was their best. Again it was an original number; cool, yes, and not cheesy. This gave the chance for the band to show off their dynamic capabilities, dramatically shifting through the gears to thrilling effect. The crowd were won over by that point, enthusiastic nodding giving way to all out headbanging, and soon the beginnings of a mosh pit broke out.

All in all, Nacho Heap left me impressed. Perhaps they lacked the raw energy of their natural predecessor Hybrid Constellation, but their sheer technical ability was astonishing. Definitely ones to watch.

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Why Muse Should Call it Quits

On Monday of this week Muse released their seventh album. Entitled Drones and billed as a concept exploring the moral implications of remote control killing machines operated by equally machine-like humans, who in turn are agents of a further tertiary tyrannical state apparatus. This concept is illustrated rather more elegantly than that last sentence by the album’s cover artwork. However, this is where all subtlety ends.

Drone-ception

This is record is blunt, clumsy and is turgid to an almost infantile degree in its use of language. There is none of the poetry which shines and glimmers in the corners of previous albums. The sampling gimmick which first reared its ugly head on Muse’s previous offering, The 2nd Law, is back and worse than before. Other than a ray of typically virtuosic oration from JFK, sampling is used unforgivingly. It serves to detract from the already awful second track Psycho, which is based on a recycled riff, a blues chord progression and a chorus with arse-possession as its central concern.

The next trend which ought to have died with the retirement of The 2nd Law (note that the trio no longer play tracks from this album in their live show) is the stuttering which is used to flesh out words which lack the syllables to fit with repetitious grooves and riffs. M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-madness anyone? S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-supremacy? etc.  I shall point to the particularly infuriating offender in the chorus of Defector – “inc-c-c-citing.” Come on.

There are actually a couple of songs which may be deemed as listenable on the album and these come in the form of Reapers and The Handler. However, these are impact songs designed to make a first impression. It is on the second or third play you realise why Muse should probably give it a rest. These two numbers despite initial appearances are like much of the album, a parody of something – more specifically a parody of Muse themselves. I’ll happily back up my claim; Mercy is a decade-on Starlight, Dead Inside is a mix of Undisclosed Desires and has a song structure which almost exactly mirrors Madness. The Handler has a great verse and chorus but the bridge/middle section is lifted straight from Stockholm Syndrome and Showbiz. Reapers is a cheesy parody encompassing RATM’s Bombtrack riff and 80s American lad rock.

From then onwards is a mess. Aftermath is a Rod Stewart rip off (“we are sailing” vs. “from this moment”) with a 90s boyband-esque final chorus. The Globalist attempts a re-run of the Exogenesis Symphony. However, it comes nowhere near 2009’s feat in terms of originality. Whilst I can appreciate a whopper of a 7-string drop A guitar riff/breakdown in the middle of the beast, I do not want to have to listen to some space cowboy whistling guff and Elgar’s Nimrod set to painfully bad lyrics either side for it. In the past Muse have incorporated classical music gracefully into their own, this was done successfully on The Resistance in United States of Eurasia and I Belong to You. Crucially the music was allowed to speak for itself and did not suffer being imposed upon by totally irrelevant ideas which contradicted the beautiful source material.

It is true that Drones is more cohesive than the disjointed The 2nd Law and has a consistent theme throughout. Unfortunately it feels like this theme is beaten into you with a blunt object for fifty minutes or so. I’ve nothing against musicals, in fact I enjoy them tremendously, but it really feels as though the album would have worked better in that format rather than trying to pass it off as something that is not quite full blown musical or rock record. When Bellamy finally sings “Amen” in the hymnal title track you are certainly glad that it is over.

I used to say that Muse were my favourite band. Their posters adorn my wall, their album art my guitar plectrums. Of late I’ve come to be somewhat embarrassed about this, like it’s an admission or confession; one usually met with scorn and derision from my peers. I, unlike many, embrace the ostentatious flamboyance of their live act – I welcome their ambition and occasional pretentiousness. However, my forgiveness and love of these things comes from the fact they produce brilliant music.

Music has to come first. High concepts are well enough, so long as they serve in subordination to great music and poetry. This is in common with my view of art and “the arts” in general; that substance must more often than not take second place to style in order to move people.

I have come to realise that music in the style of Muse, by Muse is simply not good enough – it seems fake and fraudulent. There must be more growth than that. I want to be challenged. Reheated baked beans are never as good as the first time out of the microwave, and so it goes with Muse. Perhaps they are the victims of an overly nostalgic fanbase who hanker for the glory days of Origin of Symmetry and Absolution but that seems unlikely given that they take three years between albums and what they produce is essentially a copy of the band a decade earlier.

Music is what matters. I can read books if I want fully fleshed out dystopias and confrontational concepts. This is not pessimism about the state of modern music, there is a lot of great stuff out there and currently my desires being sated by a mix of Hot Chip, Alabama Shakes, Unknown Mortal Orchestra and FFS (Franz Ferdinand & Sparks!) However, to quote the band themselves on perhaps the one genuinely decent song on the new album, “I must dis-so-ci-ate from you!”

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Flanagan Shenanigans, Siderfin Adrenaline, Stead Pinthead

I’m sitting in Matchmakers. The seats are covered in white, it’s bustling and people cluster around tables, rising occasionally to negotiate the tricky terrain up to the bar and back. My view is partially blocked by a wooden partition so I have to lean forward slightly to gain the fullest view of the stage yet to be filled.

Trumpets, saxophones, cornets, tuba, French horn, guitar and two basses make their way up and four voices position themselves stage left.

This was the Orkney Schools Big Band’s debut performance. They were to provide an evening of entertainment with support from a newly formed jazz trio.

With a quick introduction given through a slightly uncooperative microphone, they set off with the classic Birdland. This tune had a strong bassline and rhythm section to back some sleazy saxophone riffs. Gemma Harcus then performed Michael Buble’s Haven’t Met You Yet; a charming, yet still musically interesting number which set the standard high for the following vocal pieces. We then heard Anna Taylor sing the Latin classic Sway, another highly confident performance. However, it was a shame that there was only a limited array of percussion, which could have helped to set the scene even more.

Next we heard a couple of tunes from the trio, with David Flanagan displaying his highly accomplished bass skills and musicianship in some great improvisational jazz.

After a short break, so the brass players could “save their faces”, we were treated to A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square as sung by Sandy Carmichael; a wonderful song in which he demonstrated impressive vocal range and dynamics. Cameron Dowel (fresh from local fame in the role of the romantic lead, Marius in Kirkwall Amatuer Operatic Society’s Les Miserables) then took his turn to sing a Frank Sinatra classic, Come Fly with Me. Dowel is a true showman with a silky smooth, luxurious voice that puts the audience at ease while still brimming with expression. He is clearly influenced by the great crooners of that era and brought personality to the piece, signing off with a characterful spoken line.

The four singers then came together for a Big Band take on The Beatles’ Twist and Shout, which was packed with solos from every corner, and another unique interpretation of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing.

Overall, the night was hugely enjoyable. Despite some repertoire problems and occasional organisational hiccups, the band was talented and able to cope with the demands and challenges that arose from a gig of this kind. Personally, I feel as if the singers could have been utilised more, especially when popular songs were done as instrumentals such as Born To Be Wild and RESPECT.  Much of the time the singers were simply waiting off to the side, which was a shame considering their quality.

Following the show, I was quickly ferried through to Stromness, and introduced to, no, perhaps confronted with, George the Poet (spoken word artist) on the way there. Merry-making occurred, I spied a ravaged birthday cake, party rings were consumed, I sang Wham loudly. I returned home.

On Saturday I found myself volunteering at the Youth Divisional Final of the Drama Festival. As part of a team of four I sold raffles and ice cream, opened and closed doors and gave out prizes. In exchange I got to watch the four finalist group’s plays.

First was a play called Flushed and was set in the ladies of a closing nightclub. The production was cleverly staged; the floor was littered with paper towels, the dingy aesthetic so effectively portrayed you could almost smell it. The three actresses were virtually unseen for the first five minutes or so, with the exception of their high-heeled feet, concealed within cubicles. This made it technically challenging with the players having to project their voices even more loudly than usual. There were also some tricky set pieces involving a toilet roll supply crisis, which required the cast to launch the roll from cubicle to cubicle, coordinating their unsynchronised efforts for comedic effect. The pace did drag at times and the situation was not quite as hilarious as it could have been with repetitious gags and the naff use of the word “sugar” to replace any potential expletives, verbs included.

In contrast, the following play was abundant with colourful language. However, this did not detract and gave the dialogue a more realistic feel. This was the shortest of the plays, was impressively written by the cast themselves and came with an important message – that it is not right to hide who you are, even if it does result in the short term backlash of a prejudiced minority. The story followed a boy’s journey from coming out to his female best friend, to being accepted by those around him for who he was, as school gossip moved on to new developments. The play had some particularly strong characters, especially our protagonist’s funny best friend and the oblivious chatterbox mother. It also featured some intelligent staging, particularly the use of sound effects in the typing and texting scenes and the lighting in the horrific dream sequence.

Bellybuttons, a play about the decaying innocence of late primary school, generated the most laughs of the night. A new boy from “England” boasts about his gangster past and prolific impregnation od his numerous female acquaintances. This leads his new pals to interrogate him for details and it quickly becomes clear that one of them is entirely ignorant about how they came to be. He begins to explain to the rest of them the extent of his “knowledge” but is rudely interrupted by one of the girls, clearly in awe of this “foreign” newbie. This was a great script, performed with a sense of humour but suffered at times from some poor cueing.

Finally, the winners, Orkney’s own Palace Players took to the stage in a two man show – Down Came the Rain, starring Callum MacArthur and Harry Siderfin. It was a heart-wrenching performance exploring the relationship between an older and younger brother, the latter of whom has learning difficulties. Although the play was only about half an hour, as an audience member I was made to feel as if I’d known the pair far longer. There was a rich backstory and much was left unsaid; the silences were equally as expressive as the dialogue. These talented young actors were able to capture the tension effectively, which made for a raw, affecting climax.

After a short “party”, at which I was able to congratulate the victors and chat to the other participants and fellow volunteers, I was shuttled to the Bothy Bar, where I had the pleasure of witnessing the blues rock trio, Jackalope, perform.

As it was the weekend preceding the day of Saint Patrick’s, the band had in truth recruited a fourth member, fiddler Anna Rothnie, to give a folky flavour to their Irish themed numbers.

I arrived to the sound of their signature stompy grooves. Even on this initial impression I could observe that their sound was more dynamic in range, there were more layers of distortion and volume being experimented with; a more confident, complex sonic landscape was being created than I had previously heard from the band.

Quickly, a pub-dweller raised the question, “D’ye ken any Bruce Springsteen?”

Alas, the band members politely disappointed him. However, they were able to appease the chatty checked-shirted chap with a cover of Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On – a melodious breath of fresh air, albeit a slightly uncomfortable one.

With new recruit in tow the band did a lively cover of the Dropkick Murphys’ Shipping Up to Boston, which lilted along with its bizarre mix of punk and Irish folk. The guitar and fiddle traded the melody nicely. Next came the rather seasonally inapt Fairytale of New York – a great song and brave choice for March. This featured a vocal duet from Stead and Rothnie and though perhaps not quite executed as ideally desired, their ambition was to be commended.

The band went on to play some covers with highlights including QOTSA’s No One Knows, in which Harrison demonstrated a diverse range of complex drum fills; Brianstorm by Arctic Monkeys, and Led Zeppelin’s Dazed and Confused. Jackalope treated the crowd to some of the material from the upcoming E.P, they debuted a grittier, angrier sound that diverges from their earlier, more traditional blues focused efforts.

Jackalope closed with an unrecognisable cover of Taylor Swift, which sounded particularly Muse-y, followed by the corny but classic Born to Be Wild, which featured an unexpected midway Pulp Fiction breakdown. My main criticism would be the want of melody in some of their songs. Perhaps some, wiser critics, would dare to cry “too much beat”? Nevertheless I believe the fact Jackalope is not afraid to be abrasive, to offend, and to divide is admirable in itself.

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Something to Share

Hello? I’m speaking to you from the year 2015, can you still hear me?

Back. Yes, 2015 for me should prove an altogether interesting annum, if not quite as monumental for the nation. In Scotland last year we celebrated Dependence Day on September the 18th and the Glasgow Commonwealth Games were held in which the Stockholm Syndrome Syndicate showed off their skill.

This year I’ll vote in my first General Election, pass my driving test (fingers crossed), drink a legal pint and leave for university. Exciting stuff if it all comes off.

Where am I now, I hear you ask. Well I’m in the sixth and final year of my secondary education and currently in the throes of my History dissertation on the Foreign Policy of the Soviet Union (you can tell that a little too much research has been done when you’re recommended page is “RevLeft” on Facebook) and English dissertation on the religious satires of Will Self and the late Iain Banks. In my Highers I’m grappling with the photoelectric in Physics and osmoregulation in Biology. Prelims loom ominously on the horizon.

I’ve sent my “UCAS” university application in and so far have received an unconditional offer to Strathclyde to study English, Journalism & Creative Writing. The news was a relief. However, it’s a middle-ground choice, so we’ll still have to see what the others I’m yet to hear of are thinking.

Anyway, to skip to the interesting bit, I’ve decided, after much deliberation, tweaking and mulling over, to publish my summer project on amazon KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing.) I’ve written a short novel. It’s been something I’ve wanted to do for a while and now it’s out there.

Scary stuff eh?

Entitled The Treeless Isles, it is set in a fictional embodiment of mine own island homeland and tells of the struggle of the recently fatherless heirs to the seat of the Heartland and their struggle for cultural and political survival…

Did I mention today is the last chance to download it for free?

Oh well, here’s the link!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RU324YA

P.S I would say “don’t judge”, but I would really love it if you left a review (if, that is, you stick it out to completion.)

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Be-antlered Bunnies Blues Band Bounces Back

Jackalope Boyband

Jackalope are a three-piece blues rock band consisting of Jonah Stead on vocals and guitar, Alasdair Gauld on keys and Alistair Harrison on drums. First emerging as a concept in a charity fundraising concert in the Academy, they went on to perform at Orkney Live Aid in Matchmakers for the Philippines earthquake disaster appeal where they were talent-spotted and booked to perform in the county’s first exclusively “rock” festival in the Kirkwall Sailing Club. There, the trio upped the energy and took on a more aggressive style, which suited the event with a significant proportion of metal-heads in witness. Most recently, the lads played the Blues Festival, where they gained yet more connections in their most successful gigs to date playing in venues across Stromness including The Royal, the Stromness Hotel and the Ferry Inn.

The name Jackalope is that of the Native American mythical creature – a magical rabbit with deer antlers attributed with benevolent and dangerous qualities depending on the myth’s interpretation. The band prides itself with playing mostly original material and their own unique spin on classic blues standards. They hope to release their debut E.P imminently.

Jonah is the band’s frontman and principal songwriter. Following the break-up of the fast but bright-burning MCTB he embarked on a solo career where he honed his composition and technical skills, performing primarily for an internet audience on the audio-sharing site Soundcloud where he gained a small but dedicated following. His influences include Jack White, the Doors and classic blues artists. His guitar playing style is forceful and peppered with signature flourishes and motifs, while at the same time incorporating delicate picking, finger-work and interesting jazzy chords.

Alasdair, the piano man, keeps it cool in the back, casually keeping it all together in the absence of a bassist. He makes use of the entire range of his 88 keys in spiralling solos. Classical influences can clearly be heard amongst all the jazzy noodling, which gives a dimension of grandeur to the three-piece outfit. Sometimes he switches to organ, which is always nice to hear, given the keyboard’s capability of producing an adequate drawbar sound. A personal highlight is the flange effect, adding a sci-fi feel to particular songs.

Harrison is the latest addition to the band, joining to complete the group’s current line up at the Orkney Rock Festival, where the additional dynamic was required. He provides drive and extra energy to an already highly enthusiastic group. The addition of a drummer really elevates the sound, particularly in the newer, heavier songs – effectively increasing the contrast and the extremes of crescendo and diminuendo.

alasdair-from-jackalope-interview

http://https://soundcloud.com/alasdair-flett/jonah-harrison-from-jackalope-interview

P.S If you’d like to read more of this and other similar articles then visit StromNext’s Facebook or Twitter page and order a Stromnessian for only £5!

http://https://twitter.com/StromNext

http://https://www.facebook.com/acadamania?fref=ts

Oh, and give these guys a follow while you’re at it.

http://https://twitter.com/_JackalopeBand

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Golder Strikes Gold in Prague

Amy Golder, aged thirteen, won six gold medals at the 2014 Kickboxing World Championship. I asked her what it’s like to be the world’s top kickboxer.


How did you discover you had a talent for kickboxing?

Well when I was in primary three Ryan Raffel came to the school and did a trial session with us and I really enjoyed it. Just as Mum and Dad were phoning to ask about me starting kickboxing, Ryan Raffel was phoning them because he had spotted my talent.

Can you briefly explain what is involved in a kickboxing match?

There are an awful lot of different types. In semi-contact you can hit half as hard. You use a lot of techniques and score only one point at a time. If you hit with a move then that is one point and you go back to your places. Rounds last a minute and a half or two minutes. There are three or four rounds per fight.

I do point fighting and light continuous. Light continuous involves punching and kicking continuously. You only stop if you or your competitor turns around turn around the other player or if they touch down on the ground or fall over. Those are the two types I do.

Kick light, another category, is nearly full combat and you have to wear shorts. It is like continuous but you can only kick to the legs. I tried it for the first time ever competitively in Prague and became the world champion.

What is your training like?

I do an awful lot of training. This consists of Tuesdays and Thursdays for up to four hours. On Friday I do fighting training for an hour. On Saturday I do an hour of fighting and exercise specific to me as a one- to-one session and then two hours with fight team members; mainly high intensity stuff. At the end of this we do a burnout exercise of perhaps 400 push-ups, 300 sit-ups, 500 tricep-dips or maybe even 800. We do loads of crazy burnout exercises.

Where has the sport taken you, in terms of competitions?

In competitions when I was younger I did sword sparring. You get given headgear and use a sponge sword and shield. You can do that until about my age although I stopped when I was seven. I then went to Scottish and British championships. In 2012 and 2013 I started winning Scottish and British competitions. I then went on to come second in the World Championship and won the European Championship. In 2014 I’ve won everything I’ve entered.

In terms of places I’ve been to Italy, Greece, Germany, France and the Czech Republic. I’ve been everywhere in England and a few places in Scotland. I’m hoping to go to Germany again next year.

What does it feel like to compete against people older than you?

I’m quite used to it because I train with people who are older than me. Most people start when they are young and quit when they get older. Others start in their twenties. I started when I was young. I only know three people who started at my age and have carried it on right through.

What are your plans for the future, do you have any specific ambitions?

When I’m older I’d like to travel the world and do loads of kickboxing seminars. I’d like to teach kickboxing and start my own club. I’d like to get fifth dan black-belt. At the moment I’m a first dan first star black-belt.

What is your proudest achievement?

The Prague World Championship, also the Athens Challenge where I won the continuous section.

Would you recommend people give kickboxing a try? How can they get involved?

You can get involved by going to places where you can do kickboxing. In Orkney that’s in George Street. There are a lot of leaflets around with information in them. It’s a good thing to do if your friends do it and there are always trial sessions to go to. The first class is free and discounts are available if you pay for several sessions.

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Needy Children Nab Our Money

Mid-November came around again and with it a certain custard-coloured bear and the barrage of frivolous fancy-dressers who conga in his wake. The longstanding tradition of three days antics in the name of Pudsey was retained with the all the zeal of previous years and moneys requisitioned nobly for the cause.
Wednesday
Wednesday saw the tables bedecked with assorted baked goods, turning the traditional lunch/break queuing area into a thronging marketplace – where the custom could indulge in guilt-free gluttony. The buzz and bustle was interwoven with the folky textures of a busking Ceilidh band, giving spring to the step of passers-by and in some cases, the excuse to link arms and fling each other about in joyous abandon. Despite this some still found the time to launch their coppers in the buckets set before the zealous musicians.
However, no silence rivalled the tense unspoken edginess to the start of the “Bid for a Butler” proceedings. It was an auction for the services of certain plucky sixth years who had offered themselves bravely to be ascribed a value by the public and to assist the highest bidder for a full day’s labour on the culminating Friday in tasks great and small for the sake of Children in Need. Who would yield the highest total? Was the estimated value enough to win? Would there be any bids at all?
Alongside this, there was a “Beat the Goalie” competition against staff goalkeepers at lunchtime– a tournament widely spectated and much enjoyed by all who looked on. Chemistry teacher, Mr Barber showed particular aptitude in saving penalties and his colleague, Mr Blance, could not resist the chance to try and beat him – putting boot to ball in his attempt.
Thursday
It was the turn of the school cooks to deliver on the confectionary front on Thursday with Pudsey-inspired creations being produced and sold in the canteen. Again the uplifting lilt of spritely folk music was heard in the foyer to the delight of all who passed through, punctuated by the incessant clamour of monetary shrapnel resounding in the collection buckets circulating continuously throughout the day. The lecture theatre became a fairground of stalls with all the usual favourites including a lucky dip, sweeties in the jar and nail in the bale. A round robin dodgeball tournament was held in the games hall, with teams comprised of teachers, S6s, Young Ambassadors along with a Rest-of-the-School entry. All of this of course, was conducted in fancy dress with all manner of participating caricatures from robbers to Hawaiians and jocks to winter-wanderers.
Friday
Friday, as always, was a fancy dress affair. Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine crew split up to look for clues around the school. A Harry Potter posse cast their charms and Dorothy, Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man skipped along the yellow brick road to every class. Butlers did their service and many dressed for the part, serving gentlemen with long watch chains and walking canes.
At interval a solitary Tin-man stood and led the school into spontaneous dance. The dining hall was filled with revellers throwing shapes with varying degrees of synchronicity to the soundtrack of the Macarena. The flashmob was filmed and made it on to national television in the BBC’s evening programme.
The main event was a distinctly Orcadian take on the popular TV show “Take Me Out”, this time taking on the moniker “Tak Me Oot.” Much hilarity ensued as the vanity-stricken Mr Walker, with his luxuriant greasy locks, hooked up with Mrs Stead; the hopeful Mr Troxler (outfitted in the regalia of the covenant) was rejected by all the single ladies and the energetic Mr Beasley was bestowed with the suspiciously familiar-looking Miss Carmichael.
Watch the flashmob here:

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Swathes of Switzerland

I’ve been helping artists make a giant seal. It’s a selkie, to be more accurate; a costume for three singers to project their hopes and fears.

Playing croquet too, in the evening sun, putting on a lawn commissioned cut; although I promised not to go on in great detail.

Yes, I’ve been away for quite some time but not sat idle. There’s a project brewing, undisclosed other than existence and that it’s on the cusp of completion.
I’m in my final year at school (though these are the holidays) and doing AH English & History along with highers in Physics (after a year’s gap) and Biology (crash) that is if all goes to plan in August. I am interested in language, having studied German at higher last year, and English as well, though I’m yet to pinpoint a career or course.
Am I going away this summer? I’ve been. On a school trip to Switzerland…let me tell you about it…

Two days on a bus: not much fun. Though I witnessed the magic of Disney’s Frozen on the inbuilt cinema system along with the wonders of dazed midnight service station expeditions. Trashy chickflicks abound alas; though I had Atwood with me should I wish to block the whiny irksome voices.

On the Pia-Pia P&O Ferry I bought a headphone splitter. I gazed upon the choppy wake of our two-hour passage and watched as those most fabled chalky cliffs faded away. So my travelling companion and I shared in Talking Heads, Blondie and Arctic Monkeys until we arrived in Ghent where Belgian flags festooned the high rise flats.

I saw a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from the abysmal bus journey. Literally, it was gorge. Every corner turned unearthed a whole new trove of exquisite architecture and character. People cruised by on the canal, which ran right through the centre. It was a pedestrianized Utopia; though most used bikes (somehow all quaint and vintage) in truth. We ate warm waffles with sweet strawberries and cream; they stuck to their cardboard base but otherwise were divine. I tried a snail – wasn’t convinced.

We arrived in Switzerland the following evening. Les Mosses, specifically: La Sapiniere, a ski resort depopulated in the summer months. On the slope of a stunning U-shaped valley up a winding road with manifold hairpin bends.

Our holiday got going with a visit to La Fromagerie or “the cheesery” an alpine dairy farm opposite us. It had its charm but it wasn’t really my thing. However, you probably know this as cheese is not a subject I blog frequently about.

Anyway, after this we ascended the “Glacier 3000” by cable car. It was rather misty so there was not a great deal to be seen above a certain height. We dangled from a ski lift, which disconcertingly stopped jerkily every so often when we were just a little too high off the ground for comfort. I purchased a postcard from the German-speaking shop. Well, I assume they were German-speaking as my request was met when I spoke to them in the aforementioned tongue – I seemed to be blanked for all my efforts (perhaps I tried too hard.)

Next we were a couple of days early for the Monteux jazz festival where fences sang and a cat crept from the bushes. Against the serene background of Lake Geneva we snapped selfies with the statue of Freddie Mercury in the main square.

The day drew on the temperature rose to a sweltering 34 degrees Celsius. We arrived at the United Nations HQ in Geneva and were taken on a brisk tour where we espied the vibrant stalagmitic roof of the Human Rights assembly room and the Art Deco League of Nations era wing. Painted on the ceiling of the League of Nations chamber was a truly epic mural depicting the steps of civilisation. I wanted to buy all the books in the gift shop, consequently this left me with no choice but to leave with none.

In Chamonix we stepped into the void. There I ordered “un chocolat chaud” to more response than the language that I’d studied which equally delighted and dismayed me. We then took the funicular to yet another glacier; this time we got to go inside it. It was reminiscent, for me at least, of “The Wall” in Game of Thrones with ice all around, illuminated in an ever evolving spectrum. We climbed a long stair to access it which is made more a descent with each year as the glacier retreats and melts away.

The final day we set off to Aosta on the Italian border with Switzerland. We sampled its fine wares; the best ice cream I’ve ever had and for only two euros and of course, the pizza. By now a multilingual citizen of the world I had decided that Italian was simply a mix of French and Spanish, both languages I’d mastered (I got to level 5 Espanol on the “Duolingo” app during exam leave) and so the tongue of the city was mine to manipulate. Walking down the promenade, we were the four musketeers: the Aryan with the telescopic lens; a turquoise tangle in monochrome vertical stripes; a vision in cobalt blue and I, the American ambassador. In the quiet of a secluded alleyway the sweet song of clarinet filtered through a first floor window, practiced and performed, unaware of its own audience – a blissful moment. Not to mention someone zoomed past on a Segway!!!

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Barbaric Snippet

I’ve had my hair cut. Sorry to spoil the big reveal but I thought I’d take the medium to proclaim this publically. Walk-in barbers; contemplative places don’t you think? Give you time to reflect, one might say- thou turnst mine eyes into my very soul/and I see there such black and grained spots. Yes, a place where conversation is inevitably necessitated but where eye-contact is quite pragmatically eliminated to the occasional upward glance- this suits me fine.

There was a time I hated all of this of course. The indecision, the trauma, the humiliation – connotations I suppose of films with prison camps. That dreadful itchy nose which overcomes it seems all other thoughts when on that raised black throne. That stray hair which can’t be brushed away by hands bound underneath my tight-collared frontal cape.

Now I seem to rather like the notion. Yes, there’s still the awkwardness upon the leather couch. The location of the subwoofer has always irked me – I’ve found the satellites but am yet to spy precisely where the deep bass tones are emanating from. I’m always conscious of the intimate proximity that’s forced upon us on the intermediary seating. However, this is amended by the attention afforded when one ascends tentatively from the leathern lows to lofty swivelled heights.

I’ve realised it’s quite hard to report back from these excursions, as I do so now, as to the precise identity of the one who wields the blades. Where I could say: the blonde one; the brunette; the redhead, I’ve found these traits to be indefinitely variable with the given profession.

I’d say my current cranial architecture was a collaborative project. I’ve gone to these things more open to suggestion recently, more malleable, increasingly willing to be moulded, perhaps?

To be fair I’m sure this verbal parry is distant from genuine interest. It’s an artificial construct. I look on it a kind of game. The sterile sofa, staring straight ahead, the stereo seems capable of solely a single station. Shifty males; conscious not to reveal any hint of intent; detail that would shatter their steely exterior. I watch them as they rise and start to smile, their moodiness dissolved within that instant and I listen and I learn and wait my turn.

I’m called and now I know that I must take the stage. It’s odd how these things seem to catalyse revelatory truths. I once heard a man confess his Mormon heritage upon this chair. His friend of many years appeared oblivious to this and he and I shared in the tale of his baptismal swimming pool immersion.

And so I sit as Samson’s strength is sapped and spill out tails of snakes and lizards seen in Sutherland. She giggles at my sides and says, “You’ve got white bits here.” I am shocked for a fraction from fear I’m going grey prematurely. Possibly sensing my anxiety she quickly amends her statement with, “tan-lines.” Yes, I’ve been on the final Duke of Edinburgh Silver expedition in Caithness and got myself a generous lathering of springtime sun.

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Hybrid Constellation E.P Review

Wow. I’ve just drawn breath after listening to Hybrid Constellation’s self-titled second E.P for yet another time. Five songs with more force than the entire Jedi council put together. It’s the kind of selection that makes it impossible not to head bang some, and assuredly I did.

The cover, created by Dirk Robertson, depicts a skeletal double-headed birddog in the Norse style, fitting considering it was revealed in a genetic study recently that approximately 25% of the population of Orkney has Viking blood. Other mythical creatures, such as a charging centaur, dance around this motif in a circle, also in authentic style as white lines against a blue background. It is certainly artwork that deserves a second look.

The mini-album was recorded in a session format with S&M Home Studio Productions, the fact that they were playing as a band really enhances the sound and captures the live energy very well. The change in line-up has added a certain freshness with drummer Ross Clark doing a reverse Dave Grohl and swapping strumming for sticks. Also joining the ranks is guitarist Taylor Pirie who does a fine job of reinventing Clark’s guitar parts on some of the band’s live staples.

The first track is quaintly titled “Ugh no” and is post-punk ode to procrastination. The E.P opens with what would seem to be a Rage Against the Machine-like ending and from here on in the games begin. My, this new sound is, to use the band’s own expression “chunky.” The guttural stuttering of the kick drum reigns in the triumphant cry of, “I am the epitome of lazy.” A small criticism I would make would be that this track may have benefited from a crisper bass tone so the tunes can cut through.

Next up is “Legion Blues.” A snare hit and we’re in, really no messing about. I’m going to contradict myself here but this track in particular is an exception in the bass tone department. I’ll confess I’m a sucker for that gritty gnarly goodness that has an affirmative nod to Tom Commerford of RATM. Lyrically, this track is my favourite but I honestly think for all the great lines within the song, the title seems a little irrelevant. Clearly the Legion is a landmark venue for the band…but for those who don’t know, the track name would appear puzzling. However on the positive side, this seems to be a song with a purpose. Aidan Moodie, the lead vocalist, appears to be saying that saving pornography on your mobile is a form of rebellion against internet censorship. It seems that a lot of teenagers are more politically active than I thought.

One of Hycon’s first originals features on this new E.P, a vamped up version of “Good Time For A Revolution.” I will reiterate my preference for the bass being higher in the mix for the intro, it does sound slightly muddy. I am a fan of Clark’s groovy high-hat work on this track. The main riff is a killer. Lyrical highlights include, “devour the hand that feeds” and “to keep the throne you’d kill your own.” The guitar solo part is well balanced with a full bottom-end being provided by Flanagan, contrasting effectively with Pirie’s wailing.

The penultimate song hmm… I may be guilty on account of the title. Vicious speed, the furious palm muted guitar chugs away like a helicopter. After the gallop reaches its peak the song becomes a bit of a brute really, it’s nasty…of course in a good way. The break sheds a spotlight on the cymbals accompanied by snippets of abruptly percussive guitar. The solo features a good lathering of hammer-ons.

Harvey Djent (the name a play on Two-face from Batman and the name of a metal sub-genre) is the E.P’s shortest track but does not lack for content and is the most imaginative musically. The riff is a tasty thing and the verse features quite lovely guitar motifs and bass twiddles. There is an effective change in dynamic with some clean guitar, something I think the E.P as a whole could have done with a little more of. The track is the most fun on the album groove-wise and with interesting rhythms that make you twitch like you’ve got Tourette’s.

Overall, the E.P is extremely tight and doesn’t really ever pause for breath…I’m excited to see what the group could do given the time for a full album. Moodie shows moments of great lyrical wit, though this is sometimes a strain to hear over the industrial clamour of the rhythm section. The bottom end has bulk but sometimes lacks definition where it is the main feature. However as a showcase of their work, it is a success and is a fair distillation of what Hybrid Constellation is all about.          

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